Greta (3) smiling at the camera. showing body confidence in the purest form. Raising children to become body confident

As women, we have all felt the pressure to look a certain way. Society has defined incredibly narrow beauty standards for us - thin, toned, long, lean, white, sleek, unscathed, dimple-free, freckle-free, cellulite-free, fat-free. It is estimated that less than 5% of the female population falls within these standards. The other 95+% of us are left to believe that we can achieve certain looks - if we just tried a little harder - ate less, moved more, cut carbs, lifted weights, fasted, bought the best beauty creams and tinctures. And yet, we’ve failed. Or at least we feel we’ve failed - time and time again - diet after diet, workout after workout - we have not achieved that thin ideal. We’re left with low self esteem, poor self efficacy, and feelings of worthlessness. We’re held back from doing the things we truly want to do with our lives. The things that define us. Instead we are caught in this never ending cycle - spending endless amounts of time and money on trying to make our bodies look different.

And then we have babies.

We won’t even go to the highs and lows of body image while pregnant and postpartum. Though, I will say I’ve never felt better about my body than when I was 6-8 months pregnant.

We want to protect our babies from ever believing their body should be different. We want them to know that they are perfect just the way they are. That their bodies are strong. That they can do anything. Be anything. And yet, diet culture, societal norms, movies, TV, magazines, etc. make being different or fat out as being bad. Less than. Gluttonous. Gross. Lazy. Not wanted. Undesirable. To be feared.

We need to do better. For our kids. For the next generation. So what can we do?

First, we need to examine our own fat phobia or weight bias. Do you look at people in larger bodies with disgust? Hatred? Less than? Do you feel sorry for them? Do you judge them? Do you think you’re better because you’re not in a larger body? Or maybe you are in a larger body and think those things about yourself? Express them outwardly? We need to assess these judgments critically, as they all stem from racism and patriarchy and they are not true (there are LOTS of resources for you to learn more about this if you’re interested - I will list some below). You cannot judge someone because of their body size. You cannot assess their health by their weight. You do not know who they are as a person just by looking at them. So check those thoughts at the door (it’s natural that these have become automatic and you do have power to change them! Don’t feel bad about it - don’t judge yourself for having them) - challenge those thoughts and reframe. If you’ve said any of this out loud to your kids, it’s time to repair and work on being better together.

Second, we need to work on our own body confidence and show our children OUT LOUD that we love our bodies (even if we don’t yet - fake it til ya make it!). Stop poking and prodding your body in the mirror, stop eating different foods at the table, stop saying you need to lose weight or eat better or start again on Monday. Start showing them that you respect your body by eating regularly, moving your body for reasons other than weight loss, sleeping and managing stress. Start saying things like “I’m so happy that my arms can lift you over my head! I’m so strong!” “I love my belly for holding you for 9 months and the scars I will have forever from how big I stretched!” “I am so grateful that my legs can walk so far without getting tired” or “that I can chase after you even though you’re so fast!”. Do you ever remember your parents saying these things to you? Me either. Let’s turn that around.

Third, we have to stop trying to change our kids' bodies. Of course, we want what’s best for our kids - but their bodies are exactly as they are meant to be IF they are growing up in an environment that supports a good relationship with food and body. If they perceive restriction, they will feel a natural pull to go for the foods that are being restricted and feel “bad” or out of control with those foods once they do get their hands on them. If they feel a calmness and balance about food, you stick to your role as the parent to provide structure and balance, and leave the rest up to them (how much and what to eat from what you’ve provided), their body will grow perfectly - just the way it was meant to. It’s natural for them to grow out before they grow up, and I so often see parents struggle with their child growing in that way. If you feel worried they’re going to get bullied by other kids because of their weight, the best thing you can do is show them that YOU accept them for who they are and not their body. Surround them with a community that provides the same unconditional love.

And finally, teach your kids to think critically about the messages that are constantly in their faces. When books about disproportionately tiny princesses and huge masculine men are their favorites, bring up what you see! Ask them what they think of that. What other kinds of bodies they see in the real world. Monitor what they’re consuming on social media. Call out shows that have fat phobia and diet culture mixed in. Get their wheels spinning so they can learn to call this stuff out by themselves and not fall prey to those automatic assumptions and thoughts. They will thank you for it!We can change the societal norm. We can raise a generation that isn’t preoccupied by their bodies. We can raise body confident kids. It starts with us.

I have purchased and repeatedly read (as three year olds require) several books to help my kids appreciate all bodies, including their own. Here are my top five body positive and body confidence books that I recommend for 2-10 year olds: