Postpartum Body Kindness
Thoughts around postpartum body image and acceptance have been swirling around my brain as I read post after post of mamas wanting to be smaller. It seems like every single day, another mom writes: “I can’t stand my body right now. What can I do to lose these last 20 lbs? I’m 3 months postpartum”, or “I’ve tried everything - cutting carbs, intermittent fasting, keto, vegan - nothing works - my body will not let go of these last 10 lbs.” My heart breaks for these mamas - who believe if they just worked a little harder, ate less, exercised more, tried another diet or cleanse, that they would get their bodies back. I hate that our society has made us believe that we are in control of what our bodies look like. Like our bodies shouldn’t change. When these mamas’ brains are ridden with how to lose weight, what to eat or to not eat, when to fit in a 60 minute workout - on top of being in sheer survival mode with their newborns - I can’t imagine how one can give themselves grace, nourish their bodies, AND be present with their babies. It’s not possible.
I’m here, as a registered dietitian and mama, to provide advice on how to nourish your body and how to accept your body post baby. The rest is up to your body, folks.
On nourishing your body after baby (and always):
Your body deserves to be fed and it deserves to move in a way that feels good. That said, with all of the nutrition nonsense out there, it’s really hard to know how/what to eat. I am often working with my clients on healing their relationship with food so that they have the freedom to choose any/all foods that they want AND to nourish their bodies with adequate, well-balanced nutrition. If you are dieting or restricting, your mind is often clouded with what to and what to not eat, which can create a vicious cycle of dieting mentality – thinking foods are “good” or “bad” and henceforth, making you “good” or “bad”. This often leads to mild or extreme binge restriction cycles and a very poor relationship with food. Most of the time, it ultimately leads to weight gain. Sound familiar? It might be time to look into working with someone on Intuitive Eating (hi!).
I first want to tell you that you are not in control of what your body looks like. Genetics play a huge role. Your body is supposed to change after having a baby. Your body maintaining or gaining weight is its way of protecting you from famine or restriction, and in this case growing and feeding a baby.
Each time you try a diet, restrict the hours you’re eating, eat low calorie, your body is going to fight back by increasing hormones that drive you to eat more when it’s available. If you’re too hungry, your body naturally craves foods that are higher in fat or carbohydrates - foods that are easy to get into your body and raise your energy - and foods that are easier to store away for later. With each attempt to lose weight via restriction, the minute you’re “off the diet” (which is bound to happen because it's impossible to restrict forever), your body tends to regain what you lost and then some to protect from the next “famine”. It’s a biological function that we perceive as a failure or lack of self control. Hence, the binge:restrict cycle.
So what can you do? First, we can work on nourishing your body with what it needs. That means eating food. Eat every 2-4 hours throughout the day. Aim to start with breakfast within an hour of waking up. Each time you eat, aim to have a protein and a carbohydrate. Fats usually come along with those things naturally, but it's good to pay a little attention to adding in healthy fats, too (avocado, nuts, seeds, fatty fish, oils). Second, make sure you’re doing your best to get enough sleep. Sleep regulates hormones which also regulate appetite. Ever notice you crave more sugar/carbs when you are running on low sleep? That’s your body’s way of getting quick bursts of energy. Third, move your body. Find movement that feels good to you - that helps you to get a break, release some stress, help you focus, get out in nature, manage mental health, etc. Stop associating movement with calories burned. It doesn’t really work that way and only exercising to lose weight or burn calories is a disordered way to utilize exercise. Find your other motivators for moving your body and find ways to move your body that you enjoy! Finally, make sure you’re getting enough water. What is enough? It’s different for everyone, but if you’re finding yourself thirsty, getting headaches, or peeing seldom, you’re probably not getting enough. Get enough to keep you hydrated – that may be between 60-100 oz per day or so and won’t be the same amount every day (hint, same goes for calories or macros – you don’t need the same amount every day!).
Our bodies are so dynamic and they literally go with the flow. If you eat too little, your metabolism will slow, you’ll have more cravings for simple carbs and high fat items, you may feel out of control when food is finally available. If you repeatedly eat too much, your body will use what it can and then store the rest away for later. If you eat just enough (which will be different every day for every body!), your body will maintain (though it’s always striving to maintain because that’s what is healthiest for us!). Recognize that our bodies are smart and they’re trying to protect us. As we go through pregnancy and postpartum phases of our lives, know that these are relatively short snippets in time. Your body won’t be this way forever. But, to respect our bodies, we have to accept them for what they are at the present moment and not constantly wish them smaller and beat them up to get there.
Below is some more detailed advice on how to nourish and accept your body. I hope you find little pieces that you can take away from this. I KNOW it's hard. Trust me. I’ve been there and I still go there sometimes. It’s ok to take time to grieve the body you once had or the body you wished you had. This is a JOURNEY and something that takes time – and it is NOT linear. We want quick results - but friends, that is not how health or body acceptance works. Little by little, you will get there. Small changes add up over time and create long-term health. Let that be your goal. (AND! If this is all feeling overwhelming to you and you think you could use more help, I’m here to coach you through!)
Here are some very basic recommendations for how to fuel your body in a respectful way. (*This is not medical advice - work with a registered dietitian for any special nutrition or medical needs you may have).
Breakfast: aim to eat within an hour of waking up.
Coffee does not count as a meal.
Try to eat a breakfast that is well balanced with fiber, protein, and fat. An example would be a piece of whole grain avocado toast with an egg or two. Greek yogurt with fruit. Peanut butter toast and a piece of fruit.
Eat every 2-4 hours throughout the day.
Each time you eat, aim to pair a protein food (meat/seafood, eggs, dairy products, nuts/seeds, etc) with a fibrous food (fruits, vegetables, whole grains).
Balanced snack/meal ideas:
Greek yogurt with fruit and granola
Apple or banana with peanut butter
Whole wheat bagel with cream cheese
A piece of whole wheat toast with peanut butter (add hemp seeds for a little extra!)
A smoothie with fruit, greek yogurt, avocado or seeds, a handful of spinach
Tomato, basil, mozz salad
Cottage cheese and fruit
String cheese (a couple, probably!) and whole grain crackers
Leftovers
Salad kits + hard boiled eggs or leftover chicken
I try to not delineate what is lunch vs snacks… often my lunch looks like a snack or I have two lunches instead of one lunch and one snack… it’s all meant to nourish your body for a few hours, so it can look like whatever that means for you.
If you’re too tired, distracted, busy, etc. to remember to eat, set a timer on your phone for every 2 or 3 hours as a reminder to eat.
Take advantage of the “down time” that you have – when the baby goes down for a nap, have a meal or snack. Put the baby down for a little while in the bouncer. Ask someone to come hold the baby. Prioritize eating over cleaning, working out, etc.
Your body needs significantly more calories when you are lactating (estimated 700+ calories/day!). Oftentimes our body hangs onto weight when we’re lactating, and I think even more so when we’re not eating enough and lactating (seems backwards, huh?). Remember, this is a snippet in time and not how your body will be forever. Usually, once you are a few months out from lactating, your body will return to its “set point” (if you’re nourishing it properly!). Lactation does not always mean weight loss, despite what we often hear. Our hormones are protecting us from losing weight too quickly and to keep nourishing baby.
Limit distractions while eating
I know this is hard with little ones around, so do your best to limit distractions where you are able. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, try to eat at a table or sit down while eating.
Get rid of the food rules
Stop weighing or measuring your food.
Your body is dynamic and therefore has dynamic needs - meaning, someone else’s “portion size” is going to look different from yours… and your portion sizes will vary each day and at each meal. What’s important is that you’re eating enough to feel satisfied for a few hours without getting overly full (but if you do get overly full, that’s ok - it happens and that doesn’t make you a bad person)
Stop labeling foods as good or bad.
If you catch yourself labeling foods as good or bad, or there are foods that you can only have at certain times or if you work out a certain amount - check yourself – where are these messages coming from? Are they true (the answer is no)? How can you start to neutralize these messages and start accepting all foods? All foods can fit into a balanced diet. No one food or one day is going to cause weight gain or poor health.
Your body deserves food and nourishment no matter its size. You deserve to enjoy foods and feel physically and emotionally satisfied by them. Don’t let diet culture tell you otherwise.
Sleep (or lack of sleep) affects your appetite
Know that when you’re tired, you’re more likely to graze throughout the day and choose foods that are high in simple carbohydrates and fat. These provide quick energy, but not lasting energy.
Try to eat like outlined above and recognize when you’re eating because you’re tired.
Drink lots of fluids
Your body needs lots of water, especially when you’re lactating and recovering from birthing a child. Keep plenty of fluids around you. Aim for most of what you drink to be plain water.
I like to fill up a few 30-40 oz water bottles with ice and water at the beginning of my day so that I don't have to spend time refilling (because I know I won’t if I’m running around with kids all day)
Keep water with you at all times. Like, your water bottle comes with you everywhere. No exceptions.
Check in on the emotional eating or mindless/habitual eating
Are you grabbing something off of the counter every time you go past?
Are there times in your day where you’re mindlessly eating? Do you always bring a snack with you to watch TV at the end of the day?
Are you eating because you’re bored, sad, lonely, anxious, or just coming down from the stress of your day?
These are all completely common and normal reasons to eat. But, we need to pay attention to them. It’s important that we have lots of tools to use to cope with emotions. Any one tool that’s used over and over will ultimately not be helpful. Once you recognize what your habits are, why you’re eating, YOU have control over your decisions.
Create a tool kit of things you can do when you’re feeling certain ways. Learn to sit with your emotions and feel them and then do what you will to help yourself cope with them.
Move your body
Let’s first separate moving our bodies to burn calories or lose weight and for whatever else we get from movement. STOP the thought that movement is for weight loss. If you view movement or exercise in this way, it will always be temporary for you and not a life-long habit.
Movement can look like walking, stretching, yoga, hiking, walking your dog, walking the baby, lifting weights, riding a bike, playing with your kids, running, going to the gym, dancing, etc. etc. etc. It does not need to be for x amount of time. It does not need to be a prescribed, exact program. It does not need to “count”. Or it all counts - however you want to look at it.
Find what YOU get out of exercise. Is it better mental health? Less stress? More awareness? Better focus? Less reactive? Amped endorphins? Good for processing your day? Better sleep? More mobile? Better endurance? Less anxiety? Etc. etc. etc. Once you find your WHY, it will be easier for you to make it a priority and to fit movement into your day.
Taking a few days off here and there is a good thing. Your body needs rest. If you’re finding yourself stressed or anxious when you can’t exercise, it’s time to examine your relationship with movement.
Working on body acceptance:
Accept your genetics. You cannot change this. You will likely have a body that is built similar to your grandparents, your mom, your siblings. You only have control over how you move and nourish your body, which can change your body only to a certain extent.
Find gratitude for what your body can do and does for you daily.
This can be challenging for many. Think about the little things we take for granted. Hugging our child or partner, breathing without needing to think about it, having endurance to be on our feet all day, being able to stand to cook a meal, having the ability to walk our dog, bending down and getting back up without much effort, sitting comfortably, etc. etc. etc. Your body does so much more for you than you realize. Start to thank it for what it does. I recommend keeping a journal of what your body does for you and what you are grateful for.
Get clothing that fits your body and that you feel good in. Remember a size is just a number and it’s different across stores and brands. It truly doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you have comfortable clothes that you feel good in.
Throw. Away. Your. Scale. There’s literally no reason to have one. If you need to keep it for weighing luggage (like my husband insists) - keep it zipped up in your luggage. Seriously. You will not miss having it. I promise.
Stop body checking. If you’re constantly looking at your belly in the mirror, catch it and stop it. Put your shirt down. Stop pinching the bits you want to get rid of. Stop making foul faces towards the parts you dislike. Instead, smile at yourself, tell yourself one nice thing, and walk away.
When you say something unkind to yourself - neutralize it. “I hate my stomach” → “I have a stomach” “This stomach stretched to accommodate my baby” “My stomach is protecting my organs”.
Our kids are watching and learning. Treat your body the way you want them to treat their bodies. Talk to yourself the way you want them to talk to themselves.