Picky Eating
What’s Normal and What’s Not Normal for Toddler Eating
and How to Avoid Picky Eating Habits
When I surveyed my instagram community, by far the greatest concern you had about your toddlers’ nutrition was picky eating. I totally get it! Toddler eating is SO tricky – and picky eating is the norm, but it feels so frustrating when we just want them to be healthy. It’s normal for your infant that used to love and eat ALL the foods, to all-of-a-sudden start rejecting lots of foods between 12-24 months. Let’s investigate what normal toddler(picky) eating looks like, how to avoid enabling a picky eater, and when to seek additional support.
Toddler eating
Normal toddler eating really does look like picky eating - and it is! Toddler eating habits usually emerge around 12-24 months and last until they’re school age. From an evolutionary standpoint, we theorize that around this age, children become more mobile and have the ability to pick their own food out “in the wild”. Neophobia is a protective instinct that we have around toddlerhood to protect us from eating unfamiliar foods that could be poisonous or harmful – we are quite literally scared of new foods.
Toddler eating and picky eating may look like:
Preferring packaged foods, foods that are consistent all the time (think square crackers vs unpredictable fruit that may be sour or sweet!), familiar brands, “kid foods”
Having days or weeks of wanting the same foods and then all of a sudden not liking that food anymore (this is my favorite when I buy a new box of something from Costco…)
having a solid list of 30+ foods that they will “typically accept”. This doesn’t mean they’re ALWAYS going to slam dunk the chicken nuggets – some days they’ll eat a bunch, and some days they will go untouched. That’s normal.
Toddler nutritional intakes fluctuate a LOT and that’s okay – their tiny bodies are little growing machines - but their growth fluctuates which means their appetites will fluctuate and their desires for certain foods will fluctuate, too
Eating a lot in the morning/afternoon and not eating much by the end of the day.
Having 1-2 bigger meals each day and not eating much at other times.
Eating what seems like everything some days and then not eating hardly anything for days on end
Not liking unfamiliar foods on their plate, but tolerating it or taking it off their plate.
While all of this is “normal” and can feel frustrating and like your kid isn’t eating enough, it’s also normal for them to grow out of it around school-age if we aren’t enabling the picky eating habits. I assure you, if your child isn’t falling off the growth curve or showing signs of nutritional deficiencies, they WILL eat and they ARE getting what they need. Portion sizes for toddlers are very small and needs vary a lot from child to child. But, do look at the below section (when to seek further support) if they are showing signs of extremely picky eating or insufficient growth.
Avoid Enabling Picky Eaters
There are certain things we can avoid and certain things we can do to help our toddlers grow out of picky eating. By the age of 6-7, you should start to see improvement in their willingness and ability to accept new foods.
Habits to Avoid:
Here are some habits that may be getting us into trouble and enabling picky eaters to stay picky eaters past a typical age:
Offering too many choices at meal times
Always making them something different or something that you know they’ll eat
Never putting new foods in front of them
Allowing them to graze throughout the day or eat snacks right before meal times or never letting them get hungry
Not having structured meal times/snacks or time between meals and snacks to grow hunger
Creating a hierarchy of food – encouraging vegetables or protein before the carbs or sweets, talking about some foods as bad or good, unhealthy or healthy – kids will be driven towards the restricted foods
Putting too much pressure on them to eat certain foods
Having unrealistic expectations at meal times
Letting them have free reign over their food choices and access to food
Allowing distractions during meal times
In general, if we can regularly avoid the above habits, they’ll be more open and willing to try new foods as they get older. I’m not saying these things will always cause picky eating or if you do them once in a while they’ll ruin your kid - it’s okay to have flexibility with this and not have super strict rules. Having distractions once in a while is a life saver. Letting them graze some days is just how it goes. It’s what you do/don’t do most of the time that matters.
Note: don’t worry, if you’re past the toddler stage there’s still time to “repair” - your child WILL eat a vegetable again - but, we need to look at the habits we’ve made that may be keeping them in the picky eating stage. The older that your kiddos get, the harder it is to break them out of picky eating habits, but it IS possible - it just takes longer the older they are. We have to be consistent and vocal about what’s going on and consistent.
Improve Picky Eating
To break our toddlers (or older kids) out of the picky eating phase, we have to have some consistency with structure of meal and snack times and our messaging around food.
Here are some ways to create more structure and enhance food exposures with your kids to avoid pickiness later into childhood:
Avoid putting pressure on your kids at the dinner table - no bribing, begging, forcing them to eat any of their foods. YOU give the structure of the meal and snack times (adjust as needed based on your child’s needs/patterns/hunger), YOU decide what’s going to be offered – THEY get to decide from what you offer they eat and how much (within reason).
Structure of meals and snacks should look like offering a meal or snack every 2-3 hours throughout the day. Let your child know when the next meal or snack will be. It’s ok to let them build a little hunger – they’ll be more likely to eat what’s offered if they’re a little hungry.
Offer a balanced meal or snack (mini meals!) each time they eat. If they’re only eating snacky/packaged foods that are refined carbohydrates, they’re going to get hungry more quickly and be more prone to grazing or getting hangry. We want to offer protein, fat, and carbs each time a meal/snack is presented. This doesn’t mean they’ll eat all of those components, but if it’s offered, they’ll be more likely to eat it or at least have the exposure
Exposures – any interaction with the food - doesn’t have to be eating it or putting it in their mouth! It can be playing with it, smelling it, touching it, having it close to other foods, talking about it, etc. The more exposure to a food your child has, the more likely it is that they’ll eat it someday.
When you are offering new foods or combination foods, make sure you’re also offering a “safe food”. If you can offer a food that you know your kid (usually) likes and will eat (like fruit, bread, milk, crackers) without it being a whole entire extra meal - let them eat as much as that safe food as they need to fill up - they’ll be more likely to interact with their other foods that are on the plate presented to them. Eating begets eating!
When you are offering new foods, only offer 1-2 small bites on their plate. Offering too-large portions (of any food!) feels overwhelming and can be a turn off.
Play with your food! Create games, sort, use different tools or eating utensils, identify colors, smell, eat like different animals, etc – all of these are great ways to enhance an exposure and maybe get your child to try the food (but don’t push it too far!). If they don’t put it in their mouth, know that playing with the food will increase their likelihood of eating it in the future!
Get them involved in meal times! Have them help you in the kitchen - even if it’s small. As they get older, they can give more input into what’s served and help with meal planning. If it’s a task they’ll have to do in the future, it’s time to have them learn the ins and outs of it now! I know this can be hard when we have limited time - think about little tasks, like putting food waste in the trash or a discard bowl, plating their foods, stirring things, etc. and then bigger tasks as they get older or you have more time (cracking eggs, cutting and chopping, measuring, etc).
Continue offering a variety of foods throughout the week and the foods that YOU eat at meals and snacks. When you model a positive relationship with food, balanced intakes, and proper behavior at meal times, your kids will eventually follow suit. Your eating shouldn’t change just because you had kids. (I know this is easier said than done, if you still need help with eating regularly throughout the day, you can work on this slowly WITH your family!).
Of course, there are many other ways to help your child eat more foods, but this is a GREAT start. Take it slow (it’s not all going to happen overnight!) and communicate with older kiddos that you’re making some changes – it will be good to get their input and make sure they have an idea of how things are going to be different.
When to seek additional help:
If you are noticing any of the following, it may be an indicator that your child’s picky eating may need more attention and support.
If they keep dropping safe foods – all of a sudden they no longer will eat or accept foods they once ate
They have a list of 20 foods or less that they will eat
They gag, vomit, or choke on food regularly
They’re pocketing food in their mouth
They’re falling off their growth curve
If they seem very rigid in their eating behaviors or have rituals around eating
These are some signs that you should contact your pediatrician for a referral to a dietitian that specializes in these eating behaviors and/or an occupational therapist to see what else could be going on and how to improve mealtime behaviors and food acceptance.
I hope this is helpful and addresses your concerns about picky eating. Toddler eating is WILD and can feel really stressful. But, if you trust that they will grow and that they know their bodies best, it takes a lot of pressure off of both of you!